This photo is of a portion of the Wasatch range of the Rocky Mountains, that I took in 2025. The thing about mountains is they are beautiful, but we forget how they were formed. Tectonic plates violently crashed together, or volcanoes erupted and hot ash was sent flying and over time, this beautiful mountain range was formed. (I’m not a geologist so I do not have the specifics of its formation.) My point is that beauty often arises after disasters, tragedy, etc. I’m reminded of a verse from the book of Isaiah that says, over time, God will give “unto them that mourn … beauty for ashes….” He does not abandon those who exercise faith in Him. We can have peace and beauty now as we go through our individual catastrophic (at least to us) processes.

I want to acknowledge that there may come a time when you talk to yourself and ask “why keep going, I know this does not end well.” I have had that thought. It was a wise therapist who told me that one reason I should keep trying to exercise, socialize, and challenge my brain is because it will allow me to be less of a burden on my wife. To me, that is a huge reason to keep going and to keep trying to slow down the disease process. My current lack of ability to think clearly did not let me recognize that fact on my own. I needed help. Needing help is not a failing, it is a blessing.

Another reason to keep trying is that doing so can allow us to find significant spiritual growth in our lives. I have found God in extremes, or at times of extreme challenges. I have also found Him in the mundane day to day living we all do. Regardless of the scenario you are experiencing, humbling ourselves and seeking God’s help and peace, can and will, make us more holy. To paraphrase an uplifting Christian song, “a little more like Jesus and a little less like me.” We can also find more patience and more grace. When we are compelled to face the reality of our mortality on a day to day basis, if viewed correctly, other things lose importance. We can then see the things that are eternal, that which can make us more kind and merciful to others.

A couple of other things my therapist shared with me is that we can use meditation, deep breathing techniques, focusing our thoughts on just a couple of things and staying focused on them. Not just as a “defense” or a way to escape chaos or the difficulties of our disease, but we can also use it as an “offense.” That is, do the deep breathing, meditation, etc. before you are in a moment of despair or crisis, so that you have the skill to help yourself when things get very difficult. I had begun to focus on my disease and was overly conscious of it. I was thinking about it way too often. My choosing to continue to try to learn, practice my photography, exercise and socialize, all have helped me live and not just think about how I was going to die.

Another thing that has helped me to deal with this process is my trying to be intentional. That is, to think about specifically “doing” things rather than just being “busy” for the sake of busyness. For some of you it will be difficult to change your lifestyle of being very busy, to now being fatigued, apathetic, etc. I know that has been a significant challenge for me. I still struggle with it and assume I will be struggling with it until the end. I have come to realize more clearly than ever before, that being “busy” does not make my life have more worth than not being busy. It was suggested to me that I should embrace the fatigue and recognize it will probably be with me to some degree until this is all over. That was very good advice. Again, from a wise therapist. (A quick warning, a therapist who does not specialize in end of life diseases, might possibly create more harm than good. Choose wisely. Not all therapists are created equal.)

Above is a photo I took of a sunrise at Bryce Canyon in November of 2025. I had to get up quite early, get to the location, set up my camera, etc. (Also, it was quite cold since Bryce is about 8,000 feet above sea level.) A sunrise reminds me that there will be another day. Another chance to try, to succeed, to fail, and to try again. I now try to live moment to moment, one day at a time. My disease has helped me to be more present in many ways.